WHAT MAKES ME...........

Recent updates...

2010-08-05T12:25:00.002+08:00

Wow... been very,very long since i last blogged! Well.... been super busy and a hectic schedule plus even if i do have a free time, i would be browsing my FB instead of blogging... :-) heheheh.... OMG... the past weeks, days and even moment been quite good with me and my family..

Nizar just bought a new bike( not motorbike ok.. ) it's bicycle... hehehehe... cost us nearly 5k.... but he assures me that this bike will last for at least 5 years down the road.... well then... its too heartbreaking to part off with that amount of money but well.... pity him so let him just bought it... Not only that, saleemomo also request a bike from me... og for goodness sake... wads with all this bike frenzy.... I'm nearly broke and he was crying and crying insisting that i bought a bike for him... and well i did... i just did... yesterday!... Bought 1 BMX for him and he's super happy...cycle all the way from hong kah cc, down to aiman's cafe passing by the mosque and ta-da... back home... by the time we reach home it's sunset.. mom was nagging as she's late for her maghrib prayers.... heheheheh... she's so grumpy.... oh gosh...

By the time we reached home, everyone was super tired and restless.... but nonetheless, it was a good and worth the while... Nizar and me was on leave to accompany saleem dor his dental check-up.. So the best thing is that i'm so looking forward for tomorrow.... yahoo.... gonna get up early, prepare my son for school as he's having a national day celebration... gonna packed him some snacks to be shared in school and off i went for my short weekend getaways... yippee.... sorry son..u will have to stay behind for just one night ok... Ibu promised will bring u along when you are a little older.... love u lots son... muack,muack.... :-)

Life oh Life.... that's life...

2010-07-01T14:44:00.003+08:00

Life is certainly looking up on me. It has been better but definitely not good... but still life has to go on.... :-). The sun seems shining up on me and the moon lighting it up on me too.... No more worries abot anything else except for some financial strain... :-( *sigh* ... wonder why does everyone comes up to me when they wanted to borrow some cash.... does my face looks like 'borrow-from-me' kind of face... Oh god...

helping people is a joy as what my friends say.... I dun expect for any return at all... really nothing at all... but... maybe i'm sick... i'm just sick of helping others when i myself needs help BADLY! does anyone ever sees that?? u got problem? i had mine too.... you had issues.. me too... so why everyone only think like as if they are the only poor,pathetic soul in this whole wide world.... you think you are worst? someone else is worst than that... I dun need anything, i dun need my help to be return... but just or at least understand me... you had your pain... i had my share too.... we are humans... same blood colour... so what does that makes me special...? I also dun need you to even think that you must repay me... DON'T need! i dun need all that... i just want you to understand that i'm helping because i think i can... but dun ever take me for granted... i'm sick of it ok....

Speaking of which... Saleem is sick again. Twice in the month of june. Ya Allah.... Love you bubusa.... naughty,crappy and cranky son of mine! Love you lotsa.... your mouth is getting bigger and wider nowadays... hahahah... NO one loves you but Ibu will always do!! And...... I shall spend more time with you soon k baby... just be patient and wait for ibu.... :-) we shall dun bother and dun care abt anything else alright....

My Love

2010-06-22T15:07:00.002+08:00

Aawww.... I realised that recently all my blogs is so negative.... :-) well... what to do.. that's life and i'm just pouring out my inner feelings to my dearest blog!

But.... this week and last week is not bad a week for me.... wow... I'm loving it and it really contains me from feeling negative... which i need to practise for patience in that! Life was good as good as a bee... been busy lately or maybe trying to be more busy than ever... so that I will be more richer? hahahaha... pray hard i would! *grin*

Wad can i say.... :-)

My dearest little precious... was sick on sunday night. Down with high fever and a little cough. Can't manage to get away from work on Monday as my manager is not in and I will have to be around.... But.. I still manage to go back at 2pm after which I bring him straight to the doctor.. he doesn't want my mom to send him over to see the doctor. Naughty little boy... he doesn't want to eat and he just lie down staring and watching the tv..

But when i got back home... i find this boy is so energetic... I love you damn much SON! Now... I'm telling you! I love you damn much...so much that i'm willing to sacrifice myself just to make you happy! You may not understand the pain,hurt, dissappointment and grief that i go through... it doesn't matter and you don't have to know anyway... I do everything sincerely for you my son and as a mother... I will provide love and shower u with care and concern. I've high hopes on you dearest precious.... You meant the world to me... I can lose almost anything and everything... but I can't lose you... :-)

Ibu hopes you are doing fine and be independent my precious boy.. you are a boy and somehow one day you will grow up to be a young man. Ibu wants you to be a responsible, kind, compassionate and respect other humans sayang. Life is too short to be holding on to grudges and bear revenge.. Remember that it won't bring you anywhere except a failed heart! As my child i wanna you to be strong like how u always do... I really love you... from the bottom of my heart i know its you and only you... Love you Saleem..

2010-06-16T10:20:00.002+08:00

I think this time round.... i really put myself in big trouble plus hot soup... Aaaarrrgghhhhh... I need help... can anybody help me with this.... I can't imagine that there's someone is obssessed with me! Furthermore, he's trying to blackmail me... I really can't believe that this kind of things is happening to me.. Threaten me somemore....He threaten to send out an e-mail to my superior if he doesn't get to see me!! WTH.... not only that insisting that I should meet him in his own way.... I really wanna tell nizar about this... but I'm so afraid... By right there is nothing that i should be afraid of... but i don't know what e-mail he's gonna send... he can always add up stories here and there....

I'm doomed! I'm really doom.... i have to choose either 1 ( meetups or having the risk of being demoted,terminated or either transferred )

What should I do?? I need help please.... I'm mentally abuse... it seems like he's controlling me with all his words and actions...

I really never expected it to turn out this way.... It's the fucking biggest mistakes I had ever make to befriend him!! I'm so hating it... Things is not as easy as it may seems to be.... however, i will still need a permanent way out so that he knows i heck care all his bloody threatening...

I definitely don't want him to control me and I won't know if meeting him up he won't threaten me in the future....

It feels so painful inside... he's been calling me day and night!! disturbing me.. I'm so exhausted..... oh please... Ya allah lindungilah hambamu ini... apakah keputusan yang harus aku buat... aku takde niat lain selain daripada berkawan seperti biasa.... tapi... ini sudah melampaui batas...

I have to make a choice by today before it's all too late... either now or never...

Buck up!

2010-06-05T17:33:00.003+08:00

:-(

There's just so many things that's clogging up my mind. Almost about anything and everything. I'm so hating it. One by one it's succumbing me to failure and breakdown. Everyone knows and saw me fine. BUt... reality shows it all... reality definitely shows it all...

Suddenly I am pissed with the family, the life, the work, the people and everything. All.....

You've got the right to be angry with me, scold me, hurt me, rant at me and criticize me. But don't I have the right to be upset and angry as well??? What the bloody hell are you thinking. I'm just human... human... and tell you what! I've had enough ok... really enough!!!

I dun wish to hear you apologizing to me anymore! No point... wads the point??? you will do it again and again till you die! you're not gonna appreciate and you're not gonna change!

So that's it.... i've had nothing to lose.... this is not major. Nothing... absolutely nothing to be depend on you... None. Zero. Are we even a team in the first place? are we??? if your answer is yes... wait and think again. We are not! we are not....

Back to reality ok and back to what and where we are stepping on. All is just a pretence... everything is pre-plan. Pretence and pre-plan. It suits very well with each other. So that's what i'm trying to be now.

I cannot tolerate you anymore that's for sure.... Because of you i can't tolerate anyone anymore.. absolutely anyone.

and now i have to pretend in front of everyone. I dun care anymore.... i will stand up and fight for my rights even if it means that i have to kill you. I will! I really will.... this love has turn into hatred.

Nothing you say will ever works on me and tell you what.... you can fucking hell with your respect! you earn no one respect and you shouldn't be getting one even... so dream on ok.

enough is enough... i'm gonna stand up and fight. by all means i mean real fight here. gonna get back what is mine and i disallowed you to even had a share of it. Sorry just no touching of my stuffs!!!

I deal this my way and on my own. I dun need you even if i have to sell my ass off!!! LISTEN BITCH!!! I DON'T NEED YOU AND I DON'T NEED ANYONE!!!!!!

My SON

2010-05-31T14:09:00.002+08:00

I was doing fine today... just a little upset yesterday because my son can say goodbye to me without crying! Saleem is a very clingy boy, evrerything he will call out for me... he will Ibu here and Ibu there. He's so dependent on me and hard to let go... everywhere and anywhere i go he wants to tag along!

So i'm definitely upset that he doesn't cry abit when i left him with my mom for this 2 weeks. Adding on to my sadness... he can say goodbye happily to me and even see me me off! Saleem... dun you sayang your Ibu anymore? I love you my son.... hhmmm.... :-) I miss the time when you are just a small baby... u can't talk but you can whine... i definitely miss that... you are such a grumpy baby... and i love that.

Now you are 3.... and of course you behave like a 3 would. Its just that you are becoming more and more demanding. Toys, food and everything else... what Ibu can buy for you i definitely will. Yesterday i went to the kiddy palace, you want a laptop! Ibu definitely can't buy the REAL one.... of course... its not your time yet. YOu demand for a laptop and you say you want the big one and you are not interested in the small one. What a mouth... you speak and talk like an adult naughty! you even say "Shaleem nak yang beshar unye lah mcm ayah... shaleem nanak yang kecik"... Ya allah... i feels like biting you. So adorable.... and so I bought you just that yesterday... its a learning laptop for kids and children, at the same time i hope he can learn. :-) But i'm not telling him just yet... will keep that as a secret and a surprise from me to him. Can't wait to see his priceless reaction.. :-)

Even now while i'm jotting down my blog.... i'm missing you son.... you bring joy and you bring tears too... but i feel satisfied and when i can't even see you for a day... i became restless.... :-( YOu must always REMEMBER AND KNOW that IBU will always SAYANG AND LOVE you till ibu last breathe. I promise.

Mixed emotions

2010-05-25T12:15:00.002+08:00

I'm PISSED, ANGRY, IRRITATED, FED-UP, STRESS AND A LOT MORE!! I can't even describe! WTF,WTF,WTF,WTF....... aaaarrrgggghhhhhhh... its been so long that I'm last being pissed off... Now i feel like killing and burning seomeone to death. I had Enough lah... Please as I always say... Don't take my Kindness as my Weakness!!! WTH..... Taking advantage of me right.... Then i Shall show you what i shall do ok.... before i blow your bloody brains out! which i'm definitely going to! I will say my f*****g piece of words to make you realised and feel like a stupid f*****g SHIT! Do you have any Idea how bloody, farking hate I am to even see you??? Do you think that I like you all this while??? Just because you smile at me and f*****g joke with me!! WTH....... YOu think i even like your company?? YOU think I even want to learn with you??? NO WAY... NO FARKING way do i want to even talk to you and joke with you at all!!! Why are u still in a denial state!! Dun you know how much hatred I had in me towards you?????? Nothing is ever good about you!!! Do you know that???/ So please... I don't need to learn anything from you and i dun even farking wish to know anything from you.... i dun even bother to hear any bloody,unrealistic and fake farking jokes from you!! Its farking lame ok! really farking lame!! So now either you go or i will be the one's going...! I don't wanna care anymore....

Today...?

2010-05-14T14:41:00.002+08:00

Gosh... Today is Friday...but i'm hating it! I have to stay back because there's some escort that i need to do... shuckers man... i'm so pissed that ever...really piss off... fed up. I don't want to work anymore... I wanna quit!!! quit,quit,quit... and dearest Blog i only report to you and no others... because sometimes talking to human is a waste of my breathe... no matter how much you talk the end they still don't understand and worst when they say they don't get it!! pain in the ass....

Tmrw, is the Sentosa trip... i don't know if i should be excited or what.... and the best part is.... Saleem is coming along with me... hahahahah.. it sure hectic plus noisy...furthermore with my dearest baobei... love my son... muack,muack...
the thought of him make me control my temper and curb my anger.... naughty,naughty little brat! hahahaha

So not liking it.... :-(

2010-05-13T12:07:00.003+08:00

Aaaarrrrggghhhhh........... I can't help it!! I wanna shout.... OMG.... I'm really not liking this at all.... Why?.... I can't help it if you are being lazy and i'm doing your stuff! Its just not fair.... well i know nothing in life is ever fair... BUT! you've been talking and talking like 1 old woman having her menopause! Can you just please be straight to the point! WTH..... you don't have to use QUEEN's English to communicate with me or others!! Oh shucks...shuckers... you're making me sick from top to bottom!! OH my... i'm panting for air.... *sigh*..........................................

Please lah get lost...just get lost! the sight of you makes me wanna puke! So before I puke at your face...i think you better get out of my sight....!! I wanna cry of anger!!!

Ya Allah... apa lah dengan orang2 nie... dah nak mampos,mampos aje lah... kenapa suka susahkan orang lain demi keuntungan diri sendiri.... :-( you're troubling me for your own benefits!! WTF..... You're a man but i think you're trap inside a woman's body is it!! or your wife don't treat you well? WTH...... please if i'm gonna deal or liaise with you for the rest of my life... then I quit! I quit,i Quit and I quit!!!

Astarghfirullah... i think its been so long since i last encounter with such people... I wonder how can the other's tolerate him to that extend??? maybe other's can but not me... i'm sure there's more out there... So i think this is Allah trial to test me.... :-( but I don't like it any one bit.... how?? I'm angry but suddenly my anger turns to sadness.... :-(

Oh why.....?

:-)

2010-05-11T13:29:00.002+08:00

"Giving to our parents is in fact giving to oneselfs. Their Prayers is a gift, their Hope is a fact and their Love is never-ending! ~ Quote header...

Yes.... its all about Love again and again... for eternity. Well.... Love brought us together and Love can also bond us... We are in this world due to Love that our parents share. We are married because of the love we had with our spouse... We love our children and that is the evidence of the love in our Marriage life.... We love our friends for who they are and not for what they are... We love Allah because he create us and he plant the seeds of Love in us.... Everything and everywhere is all about Love... Isn't love great? As per saying... Keredhaan Allah terletak sama jugak dengan Keredhaan Ibu Bapa... So dun,ever,ever think of hurting them in the near future...

Let us love them whole heartedly and empathise with them for what they have gone thru... Joke with them if you must, laugh with them if you want... but never,ever hurt them... you will feel the pain not now but soon... what goes around comes around right....

So before its all too late.... shower them with care and concern and love them unconditionally.... you will see the fruits of it... and trust me Allah will blessed us all... Insya-allah. :-) Kasihnya ibu membawa ke syurga... kasih nya ayahanda smp berada....

Monday

2010-05-10T12:40:00.002+08:00

Hi Blog.... as my promise, I will update you often.... i rather focus on you than facebooking always... hahahahah....

My monday start off very well.... though i'm late for work.. but everything is doing great and smoothly... Well... i don't love it but maybe I like it...

Received a call from pop. He interrogates me asking me this and that...but all is Saleem related.... he was thinking that Saleem sleeps very,very late during his weekend but as a matter of fact...he don't he sleep quite early watching his Avatar!
So pop was saying that up till 11:15 he's not waking up....!! they tried all ways and means to wake him up but he just refuse to get up... and to think that he got school to attend!! OH gosh this boy... always makes me worried for nothing...

Pop pass the phone to mama and mama says that his eyes was swollen and he's coughing very badly!! Again I was worried sick.... :-( *sigh*.... So I told mama not to worry... I know what to do... she told me that Saleem will skip school today as we afraid that the teacher wun allow saleem in since he's sick.... *haiz*... (well... all is due to HFMD disease..... *sigh*)

I told her i'm quite busy and we hang up the phone together.... so now the time shows 12:50pm... I will knock off at 2pm... I will need to pass a MOther's Day Gift to My aunt and after which I will bring him to see the doctor in the evening.... He really needs to see a doctor....

In the meantime... I'm just stuck at the office with almost a few things to be done... as they left me with no choice due to the Security and door problem.... well...its not my issue... I hope They can fix it well back! Till then....

Its been so loooooong....

2010-05-09T00:54:00.002+08:00

Oh gosh... its been a long time since I last update my blog... I definitely miss my blog as much as everyone else does with theirs.. Well first of all, I would like to thank God for giving me the opportunity to live life to the fullest , through all the trials and tribulations, and all my past and mistakes learnt... its undeniably hard. But as 1 normal strong being... I live for the sake of everyone that I love... My beloved son and my most precious family.. I live for them solely for them.

Well... if you ask me.. I would say that for the past few days,weeks or even months... life has been some changes, up and down of it... I'm proud of myself for any achievement made... i accomplished stuffs and it really makes me so happy.. what more can I say... Currently i'm just counting down the days... for more things to come in my way..

A few regular updates.. My son is really doing well in school. I was so proud of him. Nothing else matters as he has really done a good job. Congrats my baby Saleem... Talkative but quite resourceful at times... independent but still a little attached to me... hahaha... he doesn't like strangers and he hated crowded places just like his Mummy. Hahahaha....

Life has been good lately... with my new employers... well... not bad but i still prefers the last...! ahahah... anyway.. I'm dropping by my blog because its been so long since i drop by and so today i have started it all once more... will start to update you dearest blog soonest ok.... till then... *wink*... :-)

too much text? less picture?

2010-04-06T22:14:00.006+08:00

Since my sis's blog is dead, so I shall revive for her by posting up pictures especially her precious one-and-only son, Saleem. :D Sis, you better be grateful! :> On 3 April, went down to Bukit Batok for bowling together with other siblings & sis's friend. Good try for me, a first time bowler. Then on 4 April, Saleem wanted to go swimming badly... So, dad & mum brought him to Bukit Batok swimming centre. Nearby ape! :D

Month of Love....

2010-02-24T11:53:00.003+08:00

Yeah....time shows 11.53am.... 1 more hour to my lunch time. At work browsing through all my e-mails sent in and out.Busy? well...but not me... I was kinda free for this week as i get in for the 2nd shift at work. Month of February....most of them said its the month of love...the month where i was born by the bond of my parents love for each other... their love is my birth.. Celebrated my birthday last 4days,my sis yesterday and anniversary last 14 days. Complete....Loving my life each and everyday. Trying my best to please all those around me from my family to my friends and even my enemy....being a peacemaker is great..hahahahha... Life is too short to be cranky and angry...i know its easier said than done. But again...it all lies in your willpower as a human...how you wanna live your life and what you wanna be... our mind is the strongest weapon that we can ever requested from GOD.. Believe in something...it will go your way.... believe in nothing it will also go your way... like my brother always said... "whatever the mind believe, it can achieve"!! its his favourite quote.... I've been there and done there....I've tasted all the happiness and bitterness in my life thruout my living in this world for 25 years... where there is happiness, it lies your sadness and vice versa...as i always emphasize...i'm a normal being with a normal needs and wants...I dun hope to get rich neither do i want to change myself being others...as a normal being with feelings...(born to have one..)at times i'm happy with myself but at times i'm not... I rise and shine by myself...i stand facing all the obstacles by myself...and my tears are my bestfriend...I heal and recover all by myself without letting anyone knows and none understand the fear and sadness that I had deep inside me... I lift the burden by myself.... no one knows as well....everything i do,i do it myself.... from my own welfare to my son's....i'm arranging it all....everywhere, i go I look like as if i'm being a single mother...but the fact is that, i do have a husband...and he's still well and alive... however, i do appreciate his responsibility towards my son and his family....he done so much as he could....even though we disagree with each other most of the time....well, what to do...its life again as i may say....as much as i wanna try comforting friends and family with words of wisdom and care...i agree that not all take those kind comforting words with gracious....they were just thinking that I had a motive of my own to manipulate them. I'm sincere in helping....but they dun agree.... fine... let it be.... may god forgive you for hurting other beings....There's more in me that I could give, but life is too short and i'm afraid that even by the time i could give my all....i would be gone by then.... Last but not least.... My love is my family and my closest friends...to my mum and dad, stepmum and stepdad,my family,my brothers and sisters and especially my son...you may not understand me...not then or even now....its ok, just remain that way...if you dun like me or dun understand my kind intention...its alright...let it remain that way...i dun wish you all to be liking me overnight even though we've been together for ages... but as for myself I'm certain and i will continue to be doing what i have done all along...advising and sharing the love if had...as i've got no wealth or assets to share.... Hope you all forgive me for all the words being said...i dun need you all to love me or even like me....but just treat me as a human and be nice....and off i went finding for the peace myself....

Love of my life...

2010-02-09T12:20:00.002+08:00

Time now is 12.22pm. My son 2nd day in school today. I manage to accompany him yesterday for his first day in school, but i have to report back to work today. But my heart and mind is not at work today. I really hate it. I keep on thinking about my son and how's he coping...yes...you can say anything you like or whatever you wanna think. But what i know is that we all individually different...you with your own point of views and i'm with mine. No one can change that ok. Yesterday was a very fruitful day for my son. He cry but not too much as he was quite shy on his first day of school. However, i can tell that he loves school so much. But on my part, i'm so afraid that he will be left behind and the teacher will ignore him. This is so scary.....i need a psychological breather.......please.... i'm really afraid that he's lost. I really need to write some notes to his teacher or maybe write a composition. Nonetheless, i do wish my son joy and happiness...so that no matter what he does....he must always remember that mummy is always behind you and support you all the way till my last breath.

My heart pours to my son..

2010-02-02T14:57:00.002+08:00

Saleem....u may be to young to understand and even too young to know what is going on. Ibu loves you too much even if it calls to exchange for my life. If I have a choice, I dun want to work. If I have a choice, I would rather stay tired looking after you myself. If I have a choice, I won't let you stay far apart from me and If I have a choice, I would definitely discipline you by myself. Every human has a choice to make and we will definitely have to choose. Maybe as for my situation, its superly hard for me to even make a choice. I was barely there in the working world, before that I am working for 4 years but in a different industry. The moment you came into my life, it was so hard for me to even leave you for a second. You cries out loud and even smile out loud. My love for you is too much to let go that people keeps on telling me that I pamper you too much. But this people just dun understand... that you're my son. You doesn't belong to anyone just by name. You belongs to me by black and white that's what matters. When i'm down with no one to turn to..trust me all my pain is gone whenever you were there....you're more than my life could ever contain. I do have feelings...when people scold you, i do feel the pain but I can't tell, when people push you away too far...i am definitely angry but sometimes talking and arguing too much isn't gonna do us any good. I know that some people you know dislike you, i knew it very well and I just kept quiet..hoping that in the future when they had their own child...they too will experience the same thing that they did to me...hurting me and u unintentionally. Just because you are naughty people hate you. You loves to shout and at times you are being just rude... but as a mother, i accept whatever ways people look at you. But as a mother...i will never,ever give up on you for eternity. Be it good or bad, wrong or right, better or worst..you are part of my life and i can't abandoned the responsibility given to me. You are being send to me for a reason and as for that i accept you as you are. The world, the life, the friends, the family and everyone can leave you...but not me. As long as I breathe.....you are with me always..

1st Feb 2010...

2010-02-01T14:02:00.002+08:00

....sigh..... yawning.... time is only 2pm and i already felt so sleepy that i want to go home!! Lets talk about my weekend.... had a very good night with shida and WPR facilities team at HRC. It was a really hard rocking night...the band was superb and so was the crowd. I really love it...its been a long time coming for such an outing...heheheh. well...play hard work hard too....woohoo....i came home so very late that i can hardly wake up on saturday morning. Rise and shine with lil saleemon by my side....(he was cranky the night before...wee....huhuhuhu...) Love him loads and loads....unbearable... i manage to get up at 11.30am without any noise and without anyone disturbing....saleem wakes up at 1.30...phew....so late....hahahahah. We went to IMM on sat evening to meet hubby's side of family...his aunt and niece...had dinner @ secret recipe...hehe (mak ani belanje).... have a walk in IMM, best denki and coincidentally we met wak dah there...heheh. Accompany mil and fil for dinner session at Jurong east "AIMAN" cafe...it was so packed that i hardly had any mood.....finally after half a day event, we went home happily and rest for the night....Md nizar have to sleep outside! hahahahah.....me and saleem conquer the whole bed...deserve him right...who ask him to call me back home....hahahah... but nonetheless...he was so thoughtful and sweet....he knows saleem sleep 360', he's willing to sleep outside...for our me and saleem comfort...now cannot share bed already...saleem so big...hahahah
Sunday...31st jan 2010. Rise and shine @ 8.45am...aarrgghhhhh.....stretching here and there because my body seems like dun want to wake up from my beautiful sleep..... i turn just to see that saleem was still beautifully sleeping with his back up....so cute...my sweetful son! I continue trying to sleep and delaying everything that was in my mind.... half an hour later...i heard yawning and i turn to see that saleem is wide awake...he smile at me....aawww...so shweet...i expected that....love him more han words could ever describe...we wake up and he manage to play for a little while before i ask him to have his shower as we are going for a KITE FLYING Carnival @ Punggol...woohoo....love it...We reach Punggol at 2.30 plus...the weather was good but it was extremely SUNNY...i felt like i was being cooked in the middle of the field. Haiz....however, saleem and my dad has a fruitful day despite the extreme Sunny weather...they really love each other.... they played hard as well....so cute the both of them....will upload the pics in FB soon...time shows 5.05...its time to go home even though saleem was reluctant to go...however after much persuasion, he has to come along with us....he's super cute in my eyes...love him...we went home happily sending shida off to her place first before we went home to rest. haiz...quite a tiring day but its worthwhile after all the time i had with my family...love them loads as well....till then....hope everyone enjoy their beautiful February.....its a love month...yeah....heheheh

Seeking Solace...

2010-01-27T10:43:00.002+08:00

I won't be fetching my son for this week. My mum will send him in on friday. Till then i can;t wait for Friday to come. I have a gathering at Hardrock with the mates for shida farewell event and at the same time I can't wait to go home and peep at my son...heheheh.Spend quite a quality time with Md Nizar last Monday and Tuesday,we chat about our future and our planning as well as what we gonna do for Saleem. We'll be getting the key to our new house this June. Even before we get our keys, the both of us was so excited over it....we are planning for what kind of renovations and all.. I wonder if Saleem feel the excitement too as he's too young to understand anything but only look at us doing things. Well,well....we are happy to be just settling down for a 3 room flat. Initially I wanna a 4 instead but after so much consideration and Md Nizar persuasion....I accept it as a 3... well not only Md Nizar who suggested....my whole family too except for my dad. Now I fully understand why my Hubby prefers to settle in just a 3 rooms. He just wants to have an ordinary beautiful life with me and Saleem. To him that was all more than enough. We are a family of 3's and that house is just nice for the 3 of us. Not too big and not too small.... so cosy and comfortable. His main dreams and aims is simple....live life simply in the most simplicity. He may have so much to give...but isn't that great that if we were not to loan much so that we can keep the money for other useful stuffs instead? well..at least that's what he told me... Both of us wants the best of the best for our lifes as a family. Whether a small house or big it certainly doesn't guarantees any happiness, because u are your own happiness. Its a lie if I say I don't wish to stay in a bigger house. Who doesn't want right.... but Md nizar and my in-laws really change my point of view. I began to accept that its not too bad after all... What's wrong with a 3 room.....its my house afterall...Rumahku syurgaku..They say let others say what they want to say even if they were to mock at us or tell us that we should get a 4 room instead of a 3. As a family we should stand tall and ignore them because as for certain human will keep on talking as long as they lived be it good ones or bad. Afterall, doesn't mean that a person living in a 4 or 5 room is rich while those who lives in a 3's is poor... It's definitely a wrong mindset. At the end of the day, we reap what we sow and we knows fully what we wants in life and appreciate all the good things that comes with it. Hehehehe....so i am here now thinking about the renovation and what design that we would like to have... yeay... till then...

Demise of Abg Anuar....

2010-01-21T08:42:00.003+08:00

Time shows 6.34pm. I just finish my bowl of mee siam for my so called light ones. I was sitting on the computer chair when the phone rings... "Hello...sape nie?... "hello...nie ain"..."oh ain...mama ader?" "ader..kejap eh.."... I pass the phone to my mom and I continue with my chores. Even though i never knew what's the conversation was about, the moment I heard "huh? Sape? Anuar? Anuar dijah?"...I was like so scared....i was expecting the worst. I quickly stand beside the fridge and lean on the wall between the kitchen and the living room. I knew for a moment that something was definitely not right somewhere. My mum put down the phone..and she told me.. "abg anuar kak dijah dah meninggal..."...I knew it oreadi.Innallilahi wailaihirojiun.... The moment she mention his name i knew it must be something sad or bad that's happening. I can't believe it! I started to daze and thoughts are coming in seeping slowly thru my mind... for a moment I can't think. I'm choked for emotions and I'm feeling the unfairness out of a sudden. 3 months ago and on the 28th september..my blog was about him. We went to visit his house...he was so sick but he still manage a smile for everyone and even entertain us.. He used to be so charming with his hair and smiles but 3 months ago he was all bald,skinny but bloated! I felt so sad for him and my hearts really goes out to my dearest cousin family and also kak dijah. And now, he has passed away............................ He's 35 when he demise... now no words can explain the loss the family has...the grief the children suffering and the pain the wife is enduring....it can seems to be unbearable for those who alive....but then again this is all fated. Takdir,Qada' dan Qadar....ketentuan illahi...not for us to decide. Al-fateha...semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat dari illahi dan ditempatkan dengan orang2 yang soleh. Insya-allah.....

Mixed emotions...

2010-01-12T15:18:00.002+08:00

Today dated 12th of January 2010. For the first time after 2 years of healing process, I'm shattered,exhausted and extremely upset. For the first time ever.... No one knows...I'm trying to avoid as many people and as many things as I could. No where to run, I'm all alone standing and facing all this thing alone.... its just like death sentence. I need strength to push me true each and everyday of my life now.This year,life was hectic and stressful for me. I'm thinking alot of things... that i forgotten to pay for my food (until the aunty got up to me and tell me that i have not paid),I can't even see my purse(which is right in front of me!),I dun feel anything and continue walking without cursing the people who nearly makes me fall,I daze more than usual and I dun catch what people is trying to tell or say to me. My mind is blocked...i can't say and i can't tell.... i can just CRY.... when i'm about to sleep and when i even think about it. I dun want to be left behind,I dun want not to be able to got what i wished and dream for,I dun want to be underestimated,I dun want to remain quiet,I dun want to make the wrong choice (or even have to choose!),I dun want not to able to overcome all the fears in me and I dun want to be punished for nothing. I'm just normal...so normal that I dun realize that no matter how strong I'm standing...I would bound to fall and collapse. I dun want to worry too much but I can't help it. I'm worry about my family,my future and so is my son. I'm worried about not being able to keep up the pace. Behind my happiness lies a huge sadness that no one would even understand..no one.. I wonder how do I survive.......

Turkey trip

2009-12-30T23:22:00.005+08:00

First and for most, to Kak Ain, sorry for posting but since your blog is dead so decided to post something. To ALL, here are some of the pictures taken at Turkey since I find the past previous post is boring without picture so, shall post quite a lot! For more pictures, it is uploaded at FB already! (:

P/S: Pictures are not arrange in order.

U-turn

2009-12-08T10:02:00.003+08:00

Another 5 more days for my KOREA trip. Haiz...there's good news and bad news for that. Initially we already booked the tickets to KOREA from the 14th to 21st Dec 09. But there's some hiccup for my KOREA trip and we may not be going at all.... Believe it or not?? Haiz.... However, we will change out trip to Turkey instead.... haiz... no winter though... but nonetheless, i'm sure we will still be enjoying the trip. Hehe.... can't wait? well...i'm not sure.. because i dun feel like going anymore be it Turkey, Korea or end of the world....hahahahah... maybe antarctica should be great and nice.....hahahahah. Shall consider that next time....hahahah

My Grief....

2009-12-02T14:51:00.002+08:00

Time shows 2.51pm. Here I am at work being very busy ever since the new training/meeting rooms in cisco has open. But thinking again busy is great especially when u have nothing to do. 4 hours more...and off I went. I didn't know whether I should be feeling happy or vice versa. I'm still down over yesterday separation incident. I still goes to work as usual, i ate and even joke despite me having and keeping my grief sealed inside! For your info its not a separation with a spouse thingy that makes me overly upset...but its the separation from my child! Though its a while but my minds keep running wild about what's gonna happen while he's there. For pete's sake...he's only 3 and he has been like travelling and travelling like nobody business....I'm so worried for that. I manage to kiss him yesterday before parting our ways. He was asking me where am i going , and i replied that i will be right here in the car waiting for him to come back... :-( The moment he turn his back on me, I quietly sneak out from the car being watched by my brother. If only i can follow him....i would have already done so... but I need to work even though my heart is yelling at me to stop working. I felt miserable....and before I knew it i was crying all the way while walking home. I was so sad,upset,down and disappointed. I pray hard so that he would be safe and sound in the land of others. May Allah protects my family from any dangers and mishaps and may I be granted an open heart to make a wisest decision for the sake of my lovely son.

Worried....Sob..Sob...

2009-11-30T12:14:00.003+08:00

"Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today." - James Dean

That's the life quote for the day or rather this week. As from now onwards, I shall put up more life and inspiring quotes from all around the world...hehehehe. (inspiring and fresh for me)... Ooowwww......this week and coming has been very hectic for me be it physically or mentally. I can't seems to take it anymore and i even let my heart controls my judgement. Wad is happening here right? Today is the 30th Nov 09...here I am still thinking abt the possibilities of putting my child in the care of my mum at JB!!! its impossible and I can't even think abt it...as everybody knows that I DISAPPROVES of my son staying with my mum overseas. But at the same time i know that my mum is very capable in taking care of my son. As planned, my son will be going to school for his NURSERY 1 class-cum-childcare in January. So I still have 1 more months to go before I have to prepare a whole lot of stuffs for my son. In within this 1 month of December, my son and me has got no choice as I will have to send him to my mum still to care for him. What upset me the most is that they are no longer in Singapore. They migrate over to Malaysia. Yesterday seems like the most traumatised night of my life. I was thinking the worst. Malaysia is very big country and prone to child kidnapping and even killing! I was really thinking the worst.... Ya Allah pls help to ease my pain and tension. I really can't bear to see him follow my mum there.... Should I quit my job? or should i talk to my manager to actually give me some time to sort all this things out? I really didn't know what to do for this 1 month in-waiting. I may seem happy on the outside but no one even understood what I'm going through..... "always look at the brighter side of life" yeah....but nothing comes out as well.... What should I do now..... I'm really deep into thinking and can't even afford a smile anymore.... I'm so worried.....

TIRING!

2009-11-23T15:13:00.004+08:00

Goodness..... time is only 3.13pm. But I am half sleepy and half awake.. haiz... wonder why today has alot of guest coming in. Not only that, staffs are walking to and fro,to and fro in front of my counter. Even though they did not disturb me, but i feel irritated due to their presence! Bad foul air.... oh gosh... I end up looking at them talking and walking instead of doing my own stuffs! Bosses are having meeting at SENTOSA room which is behind me. CBC are having their collaboration in their dept... and they are so crazily noisy... just like the school kids... Oh my greatness....when will all this end??? let this end pls.... let me have my quietness back.... they are so distracting....

Back.....

2009-11-21T11:49:00.002+08:00

Time shows 11:50. Watching Fast and Furious 4 with my lil son. He just loved to watch this DVD again and again...haiz. Manage to wake up early in the morning. Done with cleaning the house, whip up breakfast for my son (he's still eating now), fold my clothes and seeing its quite sunny on my area...i manage to wash my clothes and hang it out to dry. Phew....past few days was raining heavily and clothes aren't drying up at all.... need to buy a dryer i guess....lol. Intend to visit my dad today but that will all depends on the weather as for today...hehehe. Hubby is out to work....he's everyday at work! Should have told him to make his workplace his 2nd home..lol. Well....just let him be... he's 24/7 at work and he spend most of his time at work than at home...hahaha. But he's hardworking though...I like. I was so busy and tired that I didn't have the time to update my blogs for recent event or happenings. But trust me the past few weeks and days are a boring ones.. U all might not want to know...hehehe. Work is still the same though but seems like it was more busier than ever for the past weeks and days. Dear partner has to clear her leaves for 6 days or so, and its not sure when she will take her leaves...hehehe. Got to be independent...heheh.... Another 22 more days for my Korea trip. Hehehe... and for the year 2010 I'm sure it should be a happening ones. Heard that we are going to travel more than ever for 2010...woohoo... can't wait for the excitement. Yeah.... Mum is migrating soon and I will be all alone here without my mum...sob..sob... I'm so sad but what to do... step-dad needs to travel most of the time due to the nature of his business....haiz... well...hopefully i can went thru all this independently and with no hassle. Ok till then....need to shower now. Bubbye...

Latest craze.....

2009-11-05T11:44:00.003+08:00

AAArrrggghhhhhhhhhh.....latest craze is Simon baker @ the mentalist. Oh goodness... he so damn gorgeous. Everytime when tuesday comes, I really can't afford to miss him at all... Yesterday slept at 2 am... watching him via youtube. Not forgotten, smith and Something new.... Realised something.... He's been way too hot even before he acted in the Mentalist. I dun usually likes blonde but i seriously have to admit this guy is an eye catcher.... He's simply cool and looks refreshing. Confirm he looks cute when he was just a toddler....hahahaha. Well he was already acting before, and The mentalist is his latest drama. He's an Aussie but has an accent of a mixed american and maybe british? hahahaha.... But nonetheless, what makes me suddenly attracted to him is purely his "character" in Mentalist. He was so cool and marvellous.. manipulative and mind reader. He knows exactly what people wants and knows how to get around the most difficult situation ever. His role as Patrick Jane is superbly cool and exciting. His smiles and warmth really makes you melted. Red John is the criminal that he wants badly because that s** of a b**** kills his lovely wife and daughter. He has sleepless nights ever since after the event of his life. He has a great team at CBI. Lead by Robin tunney aka Lisbon, Van pelt, cho and Riggsby. They all are super team mates of him. He tends to go and do his own ways at certain times but no matter how the tough gets going he manage to solve everything and anything using his brains and minds.. Nice to watch him and look at him doing it. Haiz.... simply loves him.... To all those who has yet to watch, go on try to watch it next week every tuesday 10pm to 11pm... you won't regret it. In fact I'm sure after at least 2 episode watched... u will simply adore him as much as i do.... And if u got no time or missed the Season 1 episode. Wait for Season 2.....

Trip to Korea..... hehehe...

2009-10-25T23:07:00.003+08:00

Woohoo..... Just received news that I will be going to KOREA on the 14th of December... till the 21st... hehehe.... was kinda excited and maybe happy.... hahahah... KOREA here i come..... so next trip? JAPAN...... woohoo.... Hubby was telling me that we will be departing from Singapore on the night of 14th DEC.... So at least I can come to work in the morning.... Hubby was thinking that maybe we'll be going to GERMANY on the upcoming 2010 DEC....woohoo. I will follow him.... till next time... Bye..

My everything......

2009-10-24T13:19:00.004+08:00

First and foremost.... I really loved my blog... its where i can express my feelings,my intention and all... Its not for anyone or anybody to judge...its really based on me,myself and I. The language used as well as the sentenced create is only for me to know and decide. Today is saturday, and here I am at home, watching DVD's, karaoke'ing, entertaining my son (Saleemon) and updating my blog... Have not decide to go or not later..... maybe i shall just cooped at home, since last week has been a tiring workweek. Hehehehe.... With me trying to pls people around...as usual. Hah.... Thursday,met Kak ani and Abg yan (Hubby side).. they are so sweet to send me back home.... :-) thanks to both of them. Considering that in the first place, I dun really like Kak Ani. Wonder how could we be so closed right now....hehehe. Thanks to the coffee which brought us together...hahaha. Then yesterday...is a normal day for me as usual work from 9-6 pm. I do like this job, however.... recently i ain't got no mood to go work or do things.... hehehe (guess i am going mad) hehehe.... After the workweek past, I begin to realize that life is extremely short and I should enjoy the little and unusual happiness as well.... to accept the grudges and unhappiness. No human is perfect... and the most wonderful soul is the one's that can forgive and forget which I'm gonna do now. In the future I shall dislike but not hate, I shall like but not love and I shall moderate but not excessive. If only everyone on this earth or world lives appropriately with moderation...I'm sure we all will be happy. I learn to accept on the unacceptance and I begin to understand on circumstances.... because in my life i want to be the most nice being with a big heart. I want to be me not others and I simply just wants to live life simply and happily. Its alright for humans to judge me because at the end of the day... nothing is permanent and I only knew one thing is that none on earth belongs to us permanently as well... So that's the reason...I'm telling myself to be moderate with not much luxury and to be just contented on whatever we had before all is being removed... from us.

Andai Saja...

2009-10-21T12:42:00.003+08:00

"Andai kemarahan tak dapat ditangani,
beristighfarlah kepada Illahi
Andai Ketenteraman yang diidamkan masih tak kunjung tiba,
zikirlah dengan khusyuknya

Andai ada yang kau hajatkan,
kusarankan kau berdoa
Andai ada yang pernah menyakitkan hatimu,
kau maafkanlah sahaja.

Andai fikiranmu berserabut dengan urusan dunia,
kau biarkanlah sahaja
kerana ia tiada penghabisannya
Andai cinta yang kau cari,
ketahuilah, ALLAH selalu ada.."

Like this lots...Syair dikarang oleh Nur Khaliesah Subhi dari Sekolah Menengah Kranji.
Love you darlz.... Ur Syair was superb...... :-) wish i can meet u one day....

Time....

2009-10-19T09:56:00.002+08:00

I was browsing thru my FB when i saw that my lappy lifeline is left with 58%....hehehe. So i decided to update my blog after which i shall just shut down my lappy. I'm on leave today, taking care of my son as my mummy went to malacca yesterday and she just came back in the wee morning. Haiz.... no choice lah so i shall just look after him. Now he's busy playing balls by himself. Our weekends is so-so, nothing great happening. Hehehe... And yesterday while having dinner with Md Nizar side... they were discussing on going to Korea or Japan this coming Dec holiday. I was quite excited however, the moment I realised that Japan could be very expensive...haiz it puts me off... But nonetheless....I was still excited because it could be my first trip to Japan or Korea...hehehe. Intend to get a COACH bag there...classic. Well...only time will tells. As usual currently I'm busy with my work and also only time will tells if I'm gonna last or not....:-(. I don't know lah....

Life's Imperfections.....

2009-10-10T10:11:00.002+08:00

Phew... Today is Saturday Oct 10th. Time fly so fast ever since i've been working. Life has been good as norm just some hiccups experienced. (now listening to Billy Jean while blogging...hahahahah) Past few days, has been ok for me with my other halfs irritates me more than usual... :-(. Well, I won't elaborate....and i will just keep my unhappiness inside of me... :-( To roselyn who has been encouraging and advising me...thanks to you sweetheart. So nice of you to give me such an eye-opener advise. Really appreciate it... thanks a million babe... Life at work has been improving. Enjoying every moment i'm at work and also trying to learn as much as I could. Well...life is short. Too short for us too be mad,angry and worried about all the minor imperfections that we are facing. Instead of looking back and make us stop...why not we look ahead and continue walking? The wisest of people is those who are willing to forgive and forget. I'm currently having a time out of my beautiful life.... My life may not be as perfect as other people. But its very meaningful than most others.... see you all soonest.. :-)

Gadgets and more gadgets....

2009-09-30T13:33:00.002+08:00

Went to Sim Lim yesterday. Mohd Nizar is getting his camera. Walked till my leg sore to the core. And we end up at one of the shop called Camera Talk. The man that serves us is an old man by the name of Ronnie. He's very professional with his services and knows his products very well. Unlike some salesman where they will actually stops in the middle of the conversation and being unsure of what they are saying. But this man is superb. He manage to convinced us deeply on what to buy. So in the end, Depressed bought NIKON D5000,micro lens,UV protector lens,bag and extra battery (5800mha) all goes for 1500. Also he gave us a 8GB Memory card. Actually its beyond his budget already but.... since he has surveyed that NIKON for the past weeks and even read books and notes about it, he dun mind paying. As for me, i was less excited, because its just not my thing. I dun really like cams and other gadgets stuff. But depressed really loves his stuffs to the core. I wonder what's next.... Now he has everything lah.. His Macbook, LENOVO lappy, NIKON D5000, Blackberry Bold, IPOD video and i wonder what's next...haiz... I hope Depressed will stop lah....

WHY?

2009-09-29T10:42:00.002+08:00

Time shows 10.42am. There's an event today at both telepresence room. And here we are busy with all the preparation for guestnet and badges. Hahahaha..... But now it has cool down and subsides. Scrolling down my fb.... doing nothing but solely on games and games....hahaha.. Suddenly one of my colleague came up. The moment i saw her face reminds me of what i said the day previously. Was giving a piece of encouragement here and there....but no one bothered or even care a hoot. Why? Has God created us all deaf and blind?? can just be nice back right? dun have to speak or just say a word.... dun need all that.... I really hate it.... Its always me,myself and I. Maybe people are just sick with myself...i guess. Well...then i should jolly well knows what to do in the near future. I won't even made a nice remarks and all. Just kept myself shut,nice and steady!!! I will do just that.

Brain triggering....

2009-09-28T15:07:00.002+08:00

I had a meaningful weekends. Spent with my loved ones. Went to Paman Bobo and Paman Yip house yesterday via lorry, which Fareed is driving. Thanks Bro...u are such a superb driver. Went to cik Nora house after that. Ate bakso which i dun really fancy ( because of the meat)! After that...i went to umah kak Dija, dad's cousin, cik Mohsen and last my favourite house... Abg Zul. Even though its only been 5 house which we covered before we called it end of the day, I'm very contented and very happy. All of us went back home taking the lorry again which this time round its my dad who drives. We all were seated at the back of the lorry. Nazmi behind, me and Nazeera in the same row and Nizar was in the open leaning at the back of the lorry. My sweetie was seated in front as we both had just finished reprimand him for being extremely naughty. I was sad though because he didn't want to sit with me just because me and nizar scolded him. But he's jumping around on people sofa... though he's a kid, some people may not like it..and even thought that we didn't teach him., which we did. As my thoughts ran wild...without me realising it, my dad has already sped off and we are already in the middle of the expressway. My mind still uneasy..dun know why. As usual I started to be deep in thoughts... thinking abt the incident when i scold saleem, Abg Anuar and even my own uncle...Paman Bobo. Everyone has their difficulties and their happiness. At that moment of time...only ALLAH understand my sadness for them. When things wants to happen it will definitely happens without fail. One of them was sick where the doctor was saying that his cancer cells has spread thruout his whole body. His tummy is bloated. From a promising young man, he was sick till his bones. Getting skinny and skinnier as days pass by. Paman bobo was also sick as well... as norm, cancer of the brain has spread thruout his whole body. From a macho and strong man he became skinny also till bones. half of his body is no longer functioning. Very pitiful when i see the both of them...lucky for them they have their family as their backbone. Family to share weal and woes. I wonder if the same thing does happen to me. will my family be there for me or will they shun me? Families giving morale support and be there no matter what happen. Suddenly while thinking, i turn to peep at my son to see what he was doing. I saw him asleep on my mom's lap and leg on my dad's. I started to feel overwhelmed. I love my son irregardless of what happen, even with his status.... i began to feel very,very upset. Feeling so bad is covering me. I scolded him just now. How could I right? But i'm only human..... Mom's love is incomparable.... but i wonder if the children understand all this. Because i knew that most of the children don't.... I started to feel sorry for my mom.... now i understand how she felt for both my beloved mom...its definitely not easy to bring up our children. we want the best for them which at the same time we also dun wish to see them getting hurt in the process. Then again no children will ever understand that. I sit still and quietly...thinking more intensely, thinking abt death and what will become of me if my parents is gone... what would be of me.... Humans..... all humans.... must always believe that no matter what we are not immortal.... we will be gone one day. Sadly to say, i'm really afraid that I cannot accept if that were to come. Considering that my dad is sick and mummy's too.... Hope mama will be healthy also... in years to come. I finally felt that i should be taking care of them physically and mentally, repay them, do not hurt them and always give in to them as I really cannot afford to lose them in this moment of time when i'm starting to enjoy my family lives. To my son and hubby...I love you both more than anything on earth. When i nag doesn't mean i hate...i love you both too much that i'm willing to sacrifice anything. To all my parents.... you meant more to me than the whole wide world. I dun care even i go unnoticed but i do care if you all do not notice me... till then... do take care my Dearest family.

Who? Me?

2009-09-25T23:53:00.002+08:00

Time shows....11:54pm... And i just finish 1 qualifying rounds on channel 5. After which i surf the facebook. Suddenly something caught my eyes......................... joyce!!! She's taking a picture with Nico Rosberg!!!! AAARRRRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.... so jealous lah... He's so god damn handsome tau... I can't believe it!!! It should be me who took those photos with him instead.... haiz... he's so cool........He also looks like Leonardo Dicaprio..well...anyway i dun mind that much...some people are nice to be seen but will forever remain untouched.

Minal aidil wal'faidzin....

2009-09-21T00:15:00.002+08:00

First and foremost...I would like to wish all fellow muslims friends,colleague,family and strangers SELAMAT HARI RAYA. Semoga tahun ini akan membawa rahmat kepada kiter semua...Insya-allah... My first day raya is basically the same for the past 2 years. Wak dah hse,ayah's,mummy's,nenek's jenab,nek wok and last but not least the usual... HOLLAND. My day was ok.. a few compliments for my outfit,bags and shoe for this year raya...hahaahaha... Saleem also enjoying himself today. He ate alot and receives a lot as well... happy and contented. However, halfway down the road...i had blisters. Luckily its not that painful and i still manage to walk... Now we are back exhausted! Saleemon and Nizaro is fast asleep. Guess they are too tired... so left me now writing down this blog for my updates. While scrolling down for all dear friends and enemy's blog...(hahahaha...) I've realised one thing!! That i need to do what I want to do and do what's best for myself and saleemon. I've realised that liife is all about you creating and adding colours to it.... Thanks to enemy, for making me realised.... its ur arrogant photos and bitchy attitudes that helps me to look at life differently. Yyyaaawwwnnnnn...aaarrrggghhhhh.. Guess i'm going to sleep now...still needs to prepare for 2nd day raya tmrw. haiz.... planning and planning but dun know anything...hahahahha.LOL... Till again...see you all next time the soonest...

No more....

2009-09-08T17:23:00.002+08:00

Almost all of my opening is good news to me....lol. Main excitement i that, i can't wait to meet with bestie either this wed or thurs... hahaha... Wanna lepakz, real lepakz...with her... woohoo. Grabbing photos and everything.... Our plan is buka somewhere near my workplace at capital tower...maybe pastamania...bestie treats...hahaha. (ps:jgn marah.....just kidding)hehehe... already plan what to wear and do... it should be fun... I dun know why i just feels like unleashing myself out of a sudden. Well...gonna hit it off.... see you soonest....

Boredom strikes again...... ka..pow!

2009-09-04T11:39:00.003+08:00

Haiz... tgif... finally.. Today is officially my 3rd day at Capital Tower. As usual boredom strikes again because there is basically nothing for me to do.. exactly....nothing to do AT ALL! if this is the kind of job that i'm gonna do for the rest of my life then,,,,for goodness sake... I will leave!! lol... My mind starts to wonder....what am i gonna have for my break-fast later? when will we get the advanced pay? what i'm goona do for next week, etc....... haiz... again! Spoken to my saleemon just now... He's just so cute! I called mum's house and was expecting my mummi to pick up the phone.... When i heard someone picking up the phone, i was like immediately "hello....mummy"! then the caller was like whispering to me saying 'huh'? I was blurr.... Then i ask, is this mummy?? then surprisingly he said... "no lah...nie saleem lah".....hahahahaha. With the quirky and cutey voice....i feel like hugging him and kissed him on his cheeks or even bite him. What makes me laugh is that he WHISPERED to me???? So cute little boy.... like datok2.... cannot take it sia.... while talking to him, he said "ibu! aleem.... yak!" hahahaha...i laughed and ask him to get my mum to changed him.... he quickly say goodbye and hang up... aawwww...my precious boy.. just so adorable.. Love him lotsa.... gonna make this world a better place for himlah... (hehehehehe...MJ's inspiration). After i'm done speaking to saleemon....as usual i'm so damn bored again... Nw its 11.53 and i'm still at work doing almost nothing...... haiz... meeting mat ninja later on...lol.. Promised him that i will treat him. But I had no idea what i want to treat him....but i guess it should be the TANJONG KATONG restaurant...hahaha. Since he likes to go there.... Till then.... see u all again and will update on my recents growth.... hahahah (growth eh?? banyak aku nye growth) mcm tak grow2 pon ade lah...makin kementot dan gemok!!! lol

woo...hooo

2009-09-01T14:18:00.002+08:00

Tuesday...the day has certainly went on very,very fast... Still cannot fast...and we ate swensen's just now... Siol, bukan nak bilang2 sak nak pi mkn swensen's nasib baik I got extra cash.... Haiz... spent again... Never mind lah what to do, when you have to eat means u have to eat...right? hahaha.... I ate 49ers chicken, Shida 49ers beef, Faizah chix baked rice and roselyn baked spaghetti bolognaise.... very full..extreme. Nice though however, we have to hide as not to be disrespectful towards the fasting month itself...hehehe. So looking forward for this friday to go geylang with the ctss mates...dzul, lynn, me and maybe others who will tag along as well.... hahahah.... Hope that it will be a great weekend. hehehe...

2009-08-30T11:42:00.000+08:00

Da weekend.....

2009-08-30T11:07:00.002+08:00

Phew...my weekends fly by... without me realising...tmrw is oreadi monday...and i so...dread to make a decision... Aniwae...Yesterday, we went to JB... and i went to collect my baju raya... woohoo... i'm ok but guess what... i got 3 new pasang of baju raya...hahhahaha...semangat kan? terok sey... hehehe..... then again I still can't fast...today has been the 6 day of me tak puasa.... hahahaha...hopefully, i can fast tmrw... haiz... takde semangat raya sey kalau tak boleh puasa...

NO................................i don't want to be there........

2009-08-28T15:43:00.000+08:00

Allah................ Just receive news from Selvam aka Kucing parsi jalanan that from wed onwards I will be station at Capital tower.............. NO................................................................. alamak why must this happen to me man... I'm so the binget sey... Dun wish to work there lah... I'm afraid that I can't cope with the lifestyle there...... can i do something abt it since, I also have not accepted that post... just yet... tot of discussing it with Mohd Nizar dulu ah... see what he has got to say... Haiz... But without telling him I already know what he's gonna say.. Shit sia...confirm he will ask me to accept it... But i'm afraid that i wun be happy as how i used to be floating around... How? How? What should I do???

Headache....

2009-08-27T10:40:00.002+08:00

Haiz...early morning with a headache.... report to work late! suppose to be in at 8 for today but i came at 8.20... late right?... I know... hahaha but no choice lah... I woke up late today after bangun sahur this morning. Boredom comes again...felt like there's something pending that i need to do but i've no idea what.... hahaha... Then suddenly something came out from my brain... ah huh... I need to plan for my saleemon birthday... woohoo... Wondering what i need to do?? Thinking back he's too youg to understand that i do him a birthday celebration....love him lotsa....
Can anyone give me any ideas pls.... Roselyn!!!! ideas babe???

Where is my conscience??

2009-08-26T15:26:00.003+08:00

Today marks the 5th day of the fasting month. However, I can't fast due to girls "monthly" leave.. LOL. Stationed at AP today because one of my colleague has to go on a half day leave for today. Great as its been sometimes I never saw her... Yesterday in HQ though.... People there was warmth, great and full of smiles...not forgetting, multi-racial and national....hahahaha.... As usual life has been the same thruout this week and all the months before.... But something happen today that really make me realised deeply and regret..... I'm actually very CRUEL..... All this while...I failed to see and learn that.. Allah loves me. Not forgetting our prophet, Nabi Muhammad s.a.w. I failed to see that Allah loves us unconditionally...more that anybody else. As I started to realise and amend....I look around and thinking to myself... I felt deeply hurt as i've SINNED too much.... He create us beautifully...with everything and anything that we ever want. He gave us kenikmatan, rezeki and all beautiful rahmat but why did we return him sin and nothing but dosa....?? Aku rasa amat hina lah....to be truthful. With my mouth spouting nonsense, kutuk people, talking abt people and kurang ajar. Greed and disrespect is clouding me... I cried silently to myself in the corner and trying to come with the terms that its been so long that I last remember him. He create me, he gave me life, shelter, thought and he even gave me rezeki in all sorts of form.... But did I ever thank him? even for a while? What was I thinking all this while? I look ugly....wide forehead? But who create that? Its Allah....the one and only.... Now I'm sure that everything happen has a reason.... the way he creates and the way he give us life... its all with a reason. Because Allah tak akan pernah menyusahkan kiter semua...tapi kiter yg menyusahkan diri kiter.... When bad things happen who do we blame? did we ever stop awhile and think?? I am only human.... normal humans... I do make mistakes... But my main aim now is to be good and very good... I wanna help my dad and my mum... to overcome their difficulties..but as i mention i'm only human....And perhaps my only weapon right now is to pray for them. Its time to repent lah AIN.... "Berpuasalah dan berbaiklah di bulan puasa ini, kerana belom tentu kiter akan berjumpa bulan puasa yg akan datang" insya-allah....

Fasting month....

2009-08-23T12:49:00.002+08:00

Yesterday I break fast with Laksa and fruits... My mummy does all the cooking... It was superb. However, i dun feel that hungry guess because i had 2 bowls of rice for my sahur...hahaha... semangat. Org nak bangun sahur punya susah...but there i was eating happily and peacefully.. Today is already the 2nd day that muslims all around the world fast.. the feeling was great and i really enjoy my this year fasting. Haiz... Had a chat with one of my bestie earlier....via msn. Talking about our job and all abt the management treatment. Was thinking of my future and what should i do... Should I stay put or shuld i just go?? I was actually confused and really can't make up my mind over it... Haiz.... I really didn't know what to do... Guess I should just let nature take its course... no matter how unhappy i can be... but above all that actually the job is not bad lah...just some stress comes from users... that can really pissed both me and bestie. I wonder how i can last for this long though.... maybe thanks to bestie after all.... been stuck with her almost half of my life...hahaha...so how? arguments and disagreements also can't bring the both of us down. To bestie who happens to read this... Its not that i hate you when i disagree with you. Its just that i'm only human and its natural for me to make mistakes and behave kind of rude to you. We both has our own temper.... but then again at the end of the day ..... u are still one thing that can't be replaced...that is what they called 'FRIENDS'..

Excitement....

2009-08-05T12:13:00.002+08:00

Woohoo..... tmrw i'm going for the trip. Kinda happy even though the excitement has long gone off. I was so happy and excited the moment we are planning for the trip however suddenly i don't feel like going...hahahahaha...dun know why. Seriously i really dun know why the excitement has gone away leaving me behind. But then never mind...everything has been booked and guess like i just have to drag my feet and went with them....hahaha...feels like being kidanapped.. ahakz. As usual i'm at work now, nothing great happening and again its boredom!! wad do you expect?? party?? oh please.... had to meet the same people again and again... bo...ring. Fetching my son later in the evening to play with him and have to send him back again tmrw morning.... haiz... sob..sob. I'm so sad that i had to leave my precious behind. (maybe that's what makes me dun want to go...) I wish i can bring my baobei together with me..... :( :(. Butthen again this trip is meant to de-stress and relax. Well....fine lah wadever... So gonna log out for now will bring in updates abt the trip....hahahaha (actually the bloggers dun need to know)...:)

Event....

2009-08-03T12:27:00.002+08:00

On sat the 1st, cik nora did a wedding jemputan under my void deck... Well to be honest, the food is not that good and the deco is quite old fashion....hehehe but afterall, its a great and fun day. But something seems not right though. My appetite wasn't presence with me...dun know where has it gone to because i dun seems to get my taste bud right. However, manage to eat later part of the day as my stomach is calling me not to make it suffer. Lol....hahaha. I become the kendarat and again as usual....the only one kendarat that's doing at least something.... while the rest busy taking photos,tangkap jambu dan setep handsome....mcm sial... Dengar2 kasi 10 dollat untok amek gambar pe... wad da f***... Nvm...its over. After the day ended, i'm all so tired and aching all over. and while mu hubby was talking to me...I actually fall asleep.. hahahaha. The next day woke up at 7am...haiz...so lazy... again there's an event over at raffles marina. I really enjoyed myself there. We had Fried noodles, chix wing and epok2 for brreakfast, fried rice, teriyaki chix and coleslaw for lunch and eventually BBQ for dinner. Its all worthwhile. the event is called BONDING with 4LIFE...its great. There is a lot of games and dance... I simply love it. Got to see Baihakki Khaizan and wifey Norfasarie. Suhaimi yusoff and family... So great. Norfasarie is so not sombong. Nice lady...Love her lah.... Bro and dad each of them join the fun and games... Dad was in the red team and Bro was in the bLue.... And guess wad... Blue teamis the champion for yesterday team building event... So great and full of fun. Even saleemon joins the fun....he dance and cheered... Loved my son... However...dad's group won the last place...but good try though.. End of the day everyone was so much enjoying themselves that there's full of smiles everywhere we went. I wish i can follow for next year bonding again....till then..

Boredom leads to Death...

2009-07-31T15:07:00.002+08:00

Haiz....stuck in Novena again for today. Supposed to be in AP today but due to some unseen circumstances here I am at Novena...wasting my life and youth away. From morning...I was so lazy to work. Nothing seems to excite me...guess that my budsy wasn't around...Well, nvm. Had Kentucky for lunch just now. As usual...my lunch is spent with dadayayanana... She's super hungry today that she ate like a pig......for goodness sake. She ate LJS though... After i bought my Kentucky, went over to Watson to find a lip balm that suits my cracked,dried and chapped lips. Bought one from Vaseline..hopefully its good. Then went to POSB to do some transferring business..... But then........... makcik Dadayayanana was still stuck in the q.... Its a damn long q... i must say. By the time we went back to office its already near to 1.40. Only had 10 mins to eat my chicken... Its so originally nice. I'm really satisfied with what i had for lunch today. TGIF...... After that here I am again stuck at my seat with basically and almost nothing interest me to do... guess that I dun feel like working at all... Can't wait to go back home and see my bulbul... gonna carry him,kissed him and disturb him till he cried....haha...Love you baby ballball...

Missed....

2009-07-29T16:45:00.002+08:00

Today is my 2nd day back to work. After being sick for a week, at last i'm back to work. Last week was hell and tedious. The whole family is sick after one another. High fever everywhere.... Mine till it reaches 39.8. After that saleemon at 39.5... The both of us are getting better....then Mohamed Nizar suddenly is having a temperature of 39.2... Waliao the 3 of us are having a bad,bad fever and flu... My fever has subsides, however i still has cough though.... During my sickness..... no appetite till now... anyway food seems boring out of a sudden to me... Knowing that i'm a food lover all this while.... Haiz... Btw...yesterday J***** came to the office...but its a pity i wasn't there.... then i won't be able to see his charismatic face... so sad...:-( sob...sob...sob
Mummy is out of hospital...so far doing quite fine. Father also has been out of hospital...stubborn as ever....with high diabetic risk...I wonder... Everyone in the family doing fine...all is doing fine and very well.... Can't wait for my August trip that's coming...... Woohoo....... Works been fine too.... Nice bosses i had though...understanding during my sickness time... Thanks selvam for your kucing parsi look...hahaha...

ahakz....

2009-07-13T15:31:00.002+08:00

Monday again....well everyone hates monday...at least half! As for me, the weekends was actually a busy ones... My mummy is in the hospitals due to cardiovascular problem, my dad and sis was down with fever....and i'm down with boredom and tiredness... Haiz...wad to do, God makes us sick for a reason peepos... My Mummy was admitted to NUH on saturday night...The bloody doc and triage staff was damn irritating...poor and slow service.... thinking back..its not their fault and we can't blame them. The moment Mum was warded, i knew deep in my heart that mum is gonna be fine because she always pull through (we had so much confidence in her). I'm just worried that no ones to look after my precious. That explains why my eyes twitch a few times on saturday itself... (no...not supertitious) but coincidentally... My mum can hardly breathe the moment i reach to take precious home... Immediately send her to NUH.... haiz...till now she was still over at the hospitals.... I hope she was doing fine and may she once again pull through this difficult moments of her life...

Here I am...

2009-07-03T16:58:00.003+08:00

Its been quite sometimes since i last blog in. Life has been good and kind to me, and perhaps that's the reason that i'm still allowed to be here writing down all my thoughts, views and feelings. The past few days has been quite enjoying, as usual (I know) with my son and my family. I simply love it when they are around me.. Then with me taking 2 days mc (staying at home) and cough still persist. But it doesn't matter at all....... Last thurs / fri, the world was being shocked by the passing off Michael Jackson. Everybody all around the world mourns for him. Including myself mourns for him.... Its like too soon and too fast i can't accept that in a moment he has died. Its a very tragic life he had. His passing away is really too much to bear that (i know it sounds crazy) but i really loved him. His past life actually ruined him till the day he died... I've been buying his dvd's and cd's ever since i know that he's gone forever. No matter what the press says of him...I knew that its all not true... nothing is true if its anything bad about him. I even cried knowing that he's gone too soon. (I'm still watching his video's now). Everyone thinks i'm mad and even told me to stop talking abt it...but it seems that its hard for me till now.. However i believe that he will be having a better life to which he deserved. I really love him... He actually touches my heart for his generosity, talent and courage. His love for children and understanding them makes me idolizes him. His tragic life and lonely childhood makes me feel for him...till his death when people makes used of him and accused him. I wish that as a biggest fan, we could do something to help him out of his long term depression (which makes him bizarre and weird). Wads left now is all the nice memories he left to his fans and all his no 1 record selling songs thru out the whole of his lifetime. He may be gone but he will still be in my heart as my IDOL, be it before death or after death. I really love you MJ...may u be blessed before and after death...

Lyfe is unpredictable...

2009-06-26T13:32:00.002+08:00

Michael Jackson has died.. They said its because of a shocking cardiac arrest that he had early in the wee hours. The whole world was so touched, shocked and upset over his demise... It seems like the world had lost a legendary icon. He's a man with a big heart and only true fans would believe it. He's a world peace icon as well.. Only the best thing I heard abt him is that before he died, he got the chance to convert himself and be one of our muslim fellows...Hopefully. But then again only God knows... Rest in peace.. (will definitely be missed by all)... :-(

Lyfe pleasure or pressure?

2009-06-24T16:24:00.002+08:00

Haiz....been quite long i didn't update anything.. a week? yeah...i guess. Irregardless, i'm enjoying myself very much the past few days. Had a cruise trip last saturdays, BBQ on the sundays and enjoying every little minute of my motherhood with my one and only precious gem bubu aka Saleemon. Hahahaha..... Love him very,very much (more than my own lyfe). Can't wait to fetch him over the weekends and enjoying myself with him again. lurve it. Currently at work...very busy today. Super busy..... kinda sick and tired with everything and everyone. So i am planning for something up my sleeves...hehehehe.... won't tell anyone..................... except for BUBU hahahaha.... well everything else can go to hell, i dun care a hoot. Ya....i'm coughing still a lot of phlegms and all....so boring right now..... no matter what...can't wait for this weekend again... yeah....

Decision made...

2009-06-17T15:30:00.002+08:00

Today is not a good day for me... It was good for half a day and bad for another. I didn't know what went wrong and what happen but then again...is there something that i did wrong to ? or your past life?? I just dun know... and i hate it really,really hate that kind of feeling... here I am trying to be nice but there u are making my life miserable... I know I owe u way too much but you dun have to treat me like shit right?? Dun wish to see me just say it........ or hate it when i'm around just prove it....dun beat around the bushes like as if I didn't know....... I know way too long but its just that i dun have the courage to speak up. But now, i dun wish you to mentally bully me with your antics and excuses... I had half enough... so wad i'm gonna do now, i'm gonna stay away for as long as i could and avoid u and ur place... I need some time to re-adjust and de-stress myself... Thanks for everything...

Updates on previous day???

2009-06-15T12:49:00.002+08:00

I was out to suntec yesterday for the PC show.. Well its last day yesterday. There's definitely not too crowded compared to last year PC show. This year show seems to be less crowded.. Hubby aunt bought a printer since her's is spoilt. Hahaha...lol..Thanks to saleem aka bubu. After the trip there, we headed for popeye's chicken & biscuits for lunch...Not again (I just went there on sat with 'darlings') ate 3 piece chicken tender... kinda jelak also...lol. After which we straight went to holland... Quite a nice day for me. but unfortunately, i kinda dun enjoy the time when i had to scold my bubu..i even beat him...haiz... i'm feeling so lousy actually. And i dun think i can like forgive myself...:-( and he actually shit thrice a day...the smell is so excruciating that i felt like vomitting...hahaha lol.. K lah...will be updating soon again.

Confused & Happy

2009-06-13T20:32:00.000+08:00

Haiz...been in and out of this blog but still has no idea how it works.. Sucks! Well but its ok, got my dearie sister to actually assist me. Well....younger than me by 11 years but smarter than me like 111 years...haha. LOL. Well children nowadays...they are really smart and into all this technology stuffs... Can't be blamed, the world is evolving... But thinking back, I'm not that old either...Just 24 for goodness sake... phew. Feels older these days. Well, I'm kinda happy today.

Just came back from my lunch date with all my 'Darlings'. They are such a darling...we had our lunch at Popeyes. After which we sat down and had loads of photos taken. We laugh our hearts out and was really very happy. I really like it... I wish we can have more of our lunch or dinner dates. After our lunch, we head to esplanade and again we had more photos taken there... (will upload soon). While we are enjoying ourselves, Suddenly Yana new boyfie came along, he was such a sweetheart...in the end he was our photographer...hahaha.. (yes yana and leong has broken up...its gd news). So while we had our normal girls stuffs to talk about...all of us has our own set of different stories to be told. Yana with her new boyfie(hahah...lol), Zura with her job,Roslina with her career and boyfie,Zah finding for Mr right...hahahaha. And me as usual with basically nothing to tell. I really enjoy myself today. We had such a great laughing session together until everyone's experiencing tummy cramps..Hahaha...best. I really hope that Zah and Yana will organize more of such event in near to come. Was really looking forward for more event and thanks to you all for organizing such a wonderful yet a memorable one.

P.s: Hehe..and btw, yana new boyfie is called Paul Sheen Jr. ( cool guy ). Lol.....