 Let me hear you call my name. I blog to express not to impress. The sentence structure that were used are meant for me. I had graduated and I am currently working at a small red dot, Singapore. 20 February makes me turn a year older, 10 February marks my anniversary. 1 Heaven + 1 Son = Heaven There are many things to be discovered, but I won't disclose here. :D More than words. You know you love me, too.
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Mixed emotions...
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Today dated 12th of January 2010. For the first time after 2 years of healing process, I'm shattered,exhausted and extremely upset. For the first time ever.... No one knows...I'm trying to avoid as many people and as many things as I could. No where to run, I'm all alone standing and facing all this thing alone.... its just like death sentence. I need strength to push me true each and everyday of my life now.This year,life was hectic and stressful for me. I'm thinking alot of things... that i forgotten to pay for my food (until the aunty got up to me and tell me that i have not paid),I can't even see my purse(which is right in front of me!),I dun feel anything and continue walking without cursing the people who nearly makes me fall,I daze more than usual and I dun catch what people is trying to tell or say to me. My mind is blocked...i can't say and i can't tell.... i can just CRY.... when i'm about to sleep and when i even think about it. I dun want to be left behind,I dun want not to be able to got what i wished and dream for,I dun want to be underestimated,I dun want to remain quiet,I dun want to make the wrong choice (or even have to choose!),I dun want not to able to overcome all the fears in me and I dun want to be punished for nothing. I'm just normal...so normal that I dun realize that no matter how strong I'm standing...I would bound to fall and collapse. I dun want to worry too much but I can't help it. I'm worry about my family,my future and so is my son. I'm worried about not being able to keep up the pace. Behind my happiness lies a huge sadness that no one would even understand..no one.. I wonder how do I survive....... |